she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
