guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
