I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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