I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
