I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
