it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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