well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
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You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
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YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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