I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
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Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
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he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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