didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
