It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
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Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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