Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
