you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
