So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
