the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
