I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
