I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize