If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
