who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
