3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
