I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
