Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
