this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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