he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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