I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
