You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
