I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
bring money and cleavage
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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