i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
