so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Randomize
