I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
