im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
