you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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