You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
