I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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