is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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