walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
