Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
