My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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