I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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