I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
