I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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