He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
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What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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