so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
