I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
