Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
