wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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