I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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