im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
