I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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