hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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