do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
