I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
