My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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