I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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