We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
