PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
