went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
