There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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