He uses pillows to masturbate.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
