words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
