Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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