$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
