If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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