My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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