Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
