my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
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Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
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Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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