he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
