And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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