WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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