it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
